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Article | Halloween – Scaring, a ‘how to’…

Written by: Thanc Lammen, System Archaeologist

Scaring, a how to…

Nobody in this yard comes to me for van tracking tips, but I have frightened more drivers than any man here, and I have never once been caught. Mainly because I’ve never once been there.

I don’t do scares. I supply the hole where a scare would go and the other fella fits his own. The dots in the title aren’t decoration. That’s entry zero. I’ve already started.

One rule, and I don’t bend it. Nothing touching the windscreen view, the mirrors, the load or anything with the engine running. Nobody late, nobody unsafe, nobody new and nobody who’s had a bad week. A prank that makes a wagon unsafe isn’t a prank, it’s a court appearance.

A wet depot yard before dawn as seen from inside a van cab: a chipped white mug sits on the dashboard, and just outside the rain-spotted window a man in a dark hood presses his face to the glass, eyes wide, peering in. Sodium lights glare on the wet tarmac beyond. No one else is in the frame.

The Quarter Turn

Time: Four seconds. No props.
The move: His mug on the canteen hook. Turn it a quarter, handle the other way. Say nothing. Ever.
What he does next: Clocks it at the first brew, then spends the day deciding who’s touched it, and when. Tells nobody, because out loud it sounds like nothing.
What you leave out: The when.

The Boots

Time: Twenty seconds. The props are on your feet.
The move: Your boots outside the toilet door, toes in, laces slack, like somebody stepped out of them.
What he does next: Tells the canteen “there was someone in there”. By the afternoon, in his version, I’d been tall.
What you leave out: The rest of him.

The Third Brew

Time: Ninety seconds.
The move: Two of you in the yard, ten to six. Make three teas. Put the third on the step, steaming, and walk off.
What he does next: Asks questions. Don’t answer. Nobody argues with steam.
What you leave out: Who.

The Sentence You Don’t Finish

Time: Five seconds. The masterpiece.
The move: “You’ve not heard about Thursday, then.” Then: “Not mine to say. Ask Kev.” Walk off. There’s nothing about Thursday. That’s the point. Have a biscuit with him at lunch and tell him so.
What you leave out: Everything.

The Bit Where I Stop Laughing

Then I rang four firms about a tracker in September and found out I’m an amateur.

“Price On Application.” “Leave it with me.” “Let me find out.” “Above my pay grade.” That’s the boots. That’s a professional standing a pair of boots outside your door and charging you for the leather. And the same people who’ll take a half-sentence from a supplier want a fully costed answer from their own driver by five.

The flat bit, with no joke in it. Trans.INFO reports that October and November have historically seen the most van thefts, and that 11,273 vans were reported stolen in 2024, almost 31 a day, with only about 39% recovered.

That’s the one gap that isn’t funny. Not where the mug handle went. Where the wagon went.

At Pay as you Track, we do things differently. We don’t do gaps.

Where it is: Our hardwired van tracking gives you turn by turn tracking, hidden and difficult to tamper with.
When it moves: Set geofence alerts for the yard, so a van leaving gets you a message, not a half-sentence on Thursday.
What it costs: It’s on our packages page. Open it. No application.
See it first: There’s more on our YouTube channel.

Being frightened by nothing is a luxury. You can only afford it when nothing’s actually wrong.

So this Halloween, do you want to be the one wondering, or the one who already knows?

Talk to Pay as You Track today on 0161 914 5500 or email [email protected] to see how we can help your business.

Or alternatively, chat with us on WhatsApp